Ash

"When you love someone... truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt- you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it's crippling—like having your heart carved out. It leaves you naked and exposed,  wondering what you did to make them want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them. What is so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you? That no one can love you? To have it happen once is bad enough... but to have it repeated? Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?"

What it feels like to be in a coma

I remember hearing people around me. Everyone was staring at me and I could feel it, but I couldn't open my eyes to look at them. I remember hearing the familiar voices of my loved ones talking about my every movement like it was a miracle. "LOOK! She moved her finger!" someone would say. "I wonder if she can hear us?" someone else would ask. Then I heard my mom, my rock, the one with all the info (which she made sure of to the best of her ability) "Yes, she can hear you." She told them. And at that moment I relaxed because I knew as long as she was there I was safe and everything would be ok.

She then took my hand and started talking to me. She would talk to me for hours and never let go. I could feel her warm touch and it made my heart smile deep inside, something I still had control of. I had many thoughts and emotions but didn't have the power over my body to express them. So I lay there very aware of my surroundings when awake and then drifting off to sleep. 

(...)

As for the actual have a machine breath for me part. I describe it as one of the worst experiences I have ever been through, like a sort of slow torture. The machine pumps oxygen into your body and breaths for you at a set pace that is appropriate for your size and age. The oddest thing to me was that it was set to set an abnormally slow pace that I constantly felt like they were suffocating me. Its felt like a slow torture where I would nearly die of no oxygen then they would give me some at the last second before I died. I guess that is a normal feeling, to feel like your suffocating and part of it has to do with the huge tube you have inserted into your throat. 

(...)

I remember actually being happy to have so many loved ones surrounding me. I cannot tell you enough how much the support of those people helped me get through that time and pull through. Without them I may not be alive today. My sister and my best friend both wrote me notes. Long notes expressing their love for me and telling me of all that was going on in the world that I was missing and how I needed to hurry and come home so I could join them once again. Keeping my hope and spirits alive, that's what they were doing. They were beautiful notes and I cried not only when I read them the first time, but much later when I got to leave the hospital. 

(...)

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that if you have a friend or loved one who must endure this procedure, just know how much you being there, talking to them and holding there hand, makes a difference. I can tell you from experience, I truly feel I might have given up a few times without them. So when your there by there bedside wondering whats going on in their head. Talk to them, they can hear you, they can feel you, even if they cant tell you how much it means to them. You are making a difference and be sure to inspire hope and create possible future scenarios to instill the future they still have and remind them why they are fighting. 

                                                 By Aubrey Allyn

Whole story/article:Go here:What it feels like to be in a coma.

Tough shell

Actually, a lot of people say that... They say "You're not normal, your mom is in a coma but I don't see you crying"

Well my answer to all of that is, just because I don't show my emotions to you doesn't mean I'm not hurting, doesn't mean I'm not missing her every second of the day, doesn't mean I don't worry about her. It means I'm strong enough to hold my ground, to pull through and do what she has always wanted me to do. Live my life, study hard and be someone of worth. And if I get sad, if I get distracted, I won't be doing what she's been working so hard for me to accomplish. So that's why I smile, so people don't take pity on me, and give me life as hard as it is. No easy ways...

Dear Mom,

     I miss you so much. So much that it hurts, so much that I try not to think about it, because I know it will only hurt more. It would be a huge understatement to say that I wish you were here. Not just with me, but seeing what I've been doing, what I'm fighting for. I want you to be proud of me and happy for the things I have accomplished.

     No it hasn't been easy but I think if you were here by my side... It wouldn't be as hard.

     I wnt to see you face again, Mom, hear your laughter, I missed the way you worried sick about me. The way that even though life was so hard on you, you stayed strong, and you cried when you needed to. And that's when you were the strongest. 

I am here surrounded by people that share my pain of your condition, but they don't understand what I'm going through exactly. Because I am your daughter and even though we didn't talk much, we understood each other PERFECTLY. Words weren't needed, actions were dismissed.

                                           I love you Mom, and I always will. I just hope you get better soon.

                                                                   Love, Always and Forever,

                                                                                      Your Daughter.

Garth

"I've never, truly, been in love but I've been around enough people who are and I've enough seer's blood in me to feel what the felt. I't big, people don't see how big it is until it hits them. Every other emotion is selfish, it's based on what you feel. Love involves won people and you can't control it. It's scary because you don't know if your love is whole, if the recipient of your feelings returns the same sentiment."
Garth swayed a little, taking me with him, and I nearly smiled. Who would've thought that I'd feel so comfortable in his arms?
"It makes you nervous because you lose what control you had over you life because it's not your life anymore, it's his too. And his life is partly yours now as well. You can't think simply for yourself anymore, because he's there and whatever you do affects him. It makes you so happy that you worry that you'll forget everything and everyone else."
He moved his hands back to my sides and the dropped them to my hands, wrapping his fingers around my palms (...)
"As corny as it sounds though, Dizelde, your love for him and his love for you makes you complete. And that means that you don't have to worry about what will come next or what you have to do. I'm not saying that life will be perfect and you and Lark will never have a single problem but the fact that love is there means that no matter how many times you fall, he'll be there to pick you up, even if he was the one who tripped you in the first place."

The Puppet Assassin (Sequel to The Theaf's Revenge) By SidneyArden


So yesterday I finished this book, that I had yet to complete a long time ago, along with "I Sold Myself to the Devil for Vinyls. Pitiful... I Know" By DarknessAndLight And it was very awesome, and thrilling and Larkin was so funny, and overprotective, and Dizelde held her ground. But what I treasured the most in this book was Grath's pickyness, his annoyance, his humor (he was so damn funny), how wonderful he was as a friend and that even though Dizelde made her decision, even if they were the wrong ones, even if it was a leap of faith he was there for here, and they were praticaly strangers.... and ALSO the fact that he walked around the house all morny in underwear.And of course... he was gay =)

Check it out!

So, you guys... I'm writing a new book, and I'd like you guys to check it out :D and give me your feedback.

http://www.wattpad.com/2988212-the-compound



Hope you like it :D

Soooorry!

Pleaseeee Tory don't throw a hammer at me!

I am so, soooo sorry little ones! But I haven't been able to come here. I've been stuck studying so much for college and working like a slave and making new friendships... that I kind of forgot about my blog. Really sorry! It's just I don't know... My mind has been completly occupied with other things that I didn't even know what to write.

A lot of things happened though... A lot.

I went out on that date that I said. And made a terrible mistake --' but whatever...  (uh that was on a monday) 

And then on Sunday I bougth a lot of cool things rings, a coat and cute earrings.

Then another guy asked me out Tuesday and then I was like okay and we set up a date on Wednesday. I went there and surprise surprise? He couldn't make it. Yeah I am a lucky bitch like that. But he didn't mean it though... Truthfully.

Then time passed I did a lot of crazy things with my cousin, we went to a park and some college freshman were there and we hung out and talked to them it was Fuckin' A.... And we went to a bookstore called 'Leitura' that means "Reading" and we ran like crazy back to the mall when my aunt called asking where we were.

So carnival weekend comes, some of my cousin's relatives come. It's my male-cousin godfather and his wife and his son who's my age. He was.. well he was funny but most of the time boring and we did nothing the whole time, we just played GTA.... ate a lot of chocolate... And I'm like, really? My unknown relatives are THIS boring? Later, after they all left, I found out that he wasn't really my relative (--') and my cousin said that he was all over me. And I'm like seriously? I was more concerned that I hadn't read any books in a while than that. 

But anyways.... The holidays here went until Wednesday but before it all ended... more things had to happen. I went to 'the-guy-that-asked-me-out-but-didn't-show-up' birthday party... And what happened? a lot of things... Which I won't mention but it set loose a whole chain of events...

Time passed, he asked me out again, this time he showed up, and then we went to the movies. On Wednesday. And yes me him AND my cousin, because SHE is his friend. So don't go thinking other things.

But aside from all that bullshit that doesn't really matter...

I am working like a freaking convict! Man, it's like my boss has a whip and she's constantly back-lapping me... Okay that's not true... But the job is hard and I get extremely exausted- THANK GOD it's only on Fridays and Saturdays... I just wish she payed me up already...

Now, I am doing Street Dance lessons and to tell you the truth IT'S FREAKING AWESOME. Okay, that I don't know how to dance very well, but hey I'm there to learn right? Yeah, and people there are pretty cool.

Now about studying... My school has been in a strike, Sooo I haven't been having classes... it's rather... I don't know, I just feel very lost without studying... God... Who would know, but I miss studying SO much... and studying on your own it's not the same. So I've been having classes at something we call here a "cursinho"  or "pre-uni" course... so in these PU courses we are preparing to do the exams to enroll in colleges... I learn a lot of things, the teachers are extremely funny and best of all? I get to study.

I know, I know, most people will say -"Study? Aphrodite, are you out of your ever loving mind?"

No -'- I am not. Studying is a good thing, haven't you ever heard that 'knowledge is power'? Yeah.... that's my phylosophy...

That's about it though... my cousin went to Rio and she's only coming back in July, my other cousing who goes to Med school in another state came here, and she's giving me lots of advice... And tomorrow I have work again. And I just hope school gets back soon. And that friday works out. :D

____End of this EXTREMELY looooooong post______

;) Thanks for sticking 'til the end :D