Thursday, January 21, 2021

Surroundings

 Today at the hospital is very quiet. Even though we have only a few staff members, here or there there's always a bustling sound of people going from one room to the other, going up and down the elevators. The construction workers doing a lot of noise. 

But today the tone is different, more somber. Looking around, there's only two people I can see. Two female guards watching videos on their phones, making a lot of noise the eletronic sound coming out. But I know in other room's there are more people. The doctors and the social workers. So I can hear pens being picked up and laid back down, typing on keybords, doors opening and closing. 

I commented earlier with another employee that the hospital was very quiet today. Turns out, a lot of people in the infirmary are not saturating very well. And the ICU is full. So the tone is somber because people are on the verge. So it's full hands on deck. 

The perks of working in a COVID hospital. 

No smells today though. But usually I do notice them. I think that is what I noticed the most. And I think, despite wearing a mask I can still smell this.

Sometimes it's perfume, or alcohol. It's either the cleaning producs they use at the hospital. Sometimes the smell of blood is so strong that I fear I may partly be a vampire because I can always smell it and taste it very dinstinguishedly. Sometimes is urine and you can always smell the pungent smell of sickness. Some patients here smell awful. They are bathed in bed, so they're not bathed properly.

Facts x Fiction

 Swimming was fun, but she had this inkling in the back of her mind that she was not that good at it. Maybe it was the fact that she got a terrible grade at swimming lessons, or all the people making fun or her for it. As she swam, it wasn't just her and the water, and the wetness and the technique, it was what all of those people said. Before jumping into the pool, she shook her head trying to wipe these thoughts away. When she was about to jump, she heard the warning.

-You either get to the other side fast or they'll get you. -  Confusion hit her, until she saw the teenage aligator's cage. Her trainer was realising them after her. She knew they'd get to her if she wasn't fast. Jumping, she did indeed wipe away the critic's thoughts, and so she focused on the movement, on the strenght and eloquency of the syncrony of her limbs. And she cut through the pool's water in such swiftness. You'd never think of her as anything else than the very best. That was until, something struck her on the shoulder. 

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

It's done

 I canceled my plane ticket to the UK, which means I canceled my trip to Portugal. Well, because of COVID it was already canceled, but I decided if I wanted to reschedule or if I wanted to keep it there so I could in the future, until december 31st, schedule a new trip.


Now it's a matter of wait and see. I am finally coming to terms that for a while, maybe 4 to 6 months, I'm still gonna be here. The latest date might be the correct one. 

I try not to think about all the things I'm gonna miss with her, like valentine's day, my birthday (27 years old, damn). But sometimes, before I fall into slumber, that's all I can think about. 

After therapy I guess it got into my thick skull that I do have to make a movement. Think about what am I gonna do now that I do have to stay more time?


The tickets are bought.

The money is saved. 

Now is just a matter of moving out of this COVID hospital life and finding a new job. Adapting to a new place and a new neighborhood. 

I was already embracing a change like that. But I thought it was gonna be home. Turns out not yet. 

So... I have to be patient, and keep on doing whatever I can. Stop rushing and having time for myself. Making sure I have money to save and to pay the bills. I'll be fine, I'll go eventually, I just have to be patient. 

Monday, January 11, 2021

Aparição

Quem é ela na janela? 
À espera. 
Quem é ela que com a aquerela 
Pinta os sonhos de Anil? 

Doce sereia de labirintos profundos. 
Que esconde nos lábios segredos. 
Intrusos. 
Entreabertos estão. 

Doce toques, e ei-los. 
Tão prazerosos,
Despejam,
Despejam. 

-Mel Tavares 

Sunday, January 10, 2021

epitaph

When I die
Give what's left of me away
To children
And old men that wait to die.

And if you need to cry,
Cry for your brother
Walking the street beside you. 
And when you need me
Put your arms
Around anyone
And give to them
What you need to give to me.

I wanto to leave you something,
Something better
Than words
Or sounds. 

Look for me
In the people I've known
Or loved,
And if you cannot give me away,
At least let me live in your eyes
And not on your mind.

You can love me most
By letting 
Hands touch hands
By letting
Bodies touch bodies
And by letting go
Of children
That need to be free. 

Love doesn't die,
People do.
So when all that's left of me
Is love,
Give me away

Merritt Malloy