It's been a while... I didn't had the guts to talk about it... Didn't know if it would do any good. But here I am.
Almost a year ago, my mom got sick with meningites, after the first few weeks of the latent stage the doctors took out the sedatives because se was already out of danger, but what did they find out? That she wouldn't wake uo from the coma. I tried to keep going you know, hoping every single day that she would someday, somehow wake up. I tried to be good, so she would be proud of her daughter. And the worst part was, I couldn't even see her. She was in coma in a another counrty, another continent, the other side of the Athlantic. The last time I sw her, there was a promess ad the airport that soon we'd be all together, me her and my two younger brothers. But we never did. And I never saw her again...
Seven months, that's how much time, she was in that way. That's how much time, I kept hoping, suffering... And finally her heart gave up... And... Oh- this is actually so hard. And then she died...
When I got the news it was about 3 a.m. here... My aunt whom I live with was screaming like crazy telling my grandma that was with my mom, to calm down. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't, it couldn't be real. My mommy, my dear dear mommy, dead. Never to speak, smile, hug me, yell at me, talk to me, cry with me be proud of me. Dead. Just simply gone. I was frozen... I didn't cry at the time, not at all. I just stared blankly at nothing and thought about my brothers... No, that's a lie, I didn't want to think about them, not right now. It would have to be me to give them the news, me... So I didn't think about that. So all I thought about was my boyfriend. He was the only one who would give me a real hug and confort me, the others around me just pity fake hugs. So I didn't want them. I wanted him, to comfort me.
My cousin was with me at the time, she kept looking at me saying "Shouldn't you be crying? It's your mom who died. You should be screaming, I don't know something." And I just stayed silent. I went to the bathroom because I couldn't endure her stare, and there I started to think about my brothers. Think of everything...
Oh my mom died so young....
She died 10 days before she turned 40...
She had so many hopes and dreams, for herself, for all of us.
My dear mommy....
I can't do this anymore, maybe later... someday.
Almost a year ago, my mom got sick with meningites, after the first few weeks of the latent stage the doctors took out the sedatives because se was already out of danger, but what did they find out? That she wouldn't wake uo from the coma. I tried to keep going you know, hoping every single day that she would someday, somehow wake up. I tried to be good, so she would be proud of her daughter. And the worst part was, I couldn't even see her. She was in coma in a another counrty, another continent, the other side of the Athlantic. The last time I sw her, there was a promess ad the airport that soon we'd be all together, me her and my two younger brothers. But we never did. And I never saw her again...
Seven months, that's how much time, she was in that way. That's how much time, I kept hoping, suffering... And finally her heart gave up... And... Oh- this is actually so hard. And then she died...
When I got the news it was about 3 a.m. here... My aunt whom I live with was screaming like crazy telling my grandma that was with my mom, to calm down. I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't, it couldn't be real. My mommy, my dear dear mommy, dead. Never to speak, smile, hug me, yell at me, talk to me, cry with me be proud of me. Dead. Just simply gone. I was frozen... I didn't cry at the time, not at all. I just stared blankly at nothing and thought about my brothers... No, that's a lie, I didn't want to think about them, not right now. It would have to be me to give them the news, me... So I didn't think about that. So all I thought about was my boyfriend. He was the only one who would give me a real hug and confort me, the others around me just pity fake hugs. So I didn't want them. I wanted him, to comfort me.
My cousin was with me at the time, she kept looking at me saying "Shouldn't you be crying? It's your mom who died. You should be screaming, I don't know something." And I just stayed silent. I went to the bathroom because I couldn't endure her stare, and there I started to think about my brothers. Think of everything...
She died 10 days before she turned 40...
She had so many hopes and dreams, for herself, for all of us.
My dear mommy....
I can't do this anymore, maybe later... someday.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Sighing dreamingly you said: